Busy . . . Yeah Right . . .

I wish I could say that I have been too busy to post because of writing. But since I always try to be honest, let's try out the truth. My mind right now is such a jumble I can't even figure out what to write on my blog.

I have tons of works in progress and I'm excited about all of them, but I just can't seem to focus on any one long enough to get it done. I wouldn't say I have writers block per se I'm just anxious. I want to get so much done so quickly that I make myself nauseous.

Additionally, I had a mini-melt-down last week, I'm over it now. So I know that a lot of people do not read F/F so I have been trying to do research on the best places to market my work. I have noticed that even when the public forums/yahoogroups that I am a member of advertise GLBT days they really only mean the G and B. Thank goodness I write other genres or I would not even get a nibble for my work.

I'm also very tired from the day job. The workload has been increasing since the success of our last major project, add to that my boss will be going away on maternity leave soon. And I'm trying to catch up on a whole missed month of work.

Lately, I've been telling a friend of mine that I want a job where I don't have to think anymore, some kind of mindless work, something automatic. She doesn't think I would last long in one of those. But really if I earn the same amount as I do now, I would satisfied at least for now.

Amarinda Jones did a blog post about being a pleb, click her name to check it out. I think I need to go lower on the totem pole, because even though I'm not a manager, too many people depend on me for too many things. Oh and since I don't consider writing work or a hardship I would love to dedicate more time to that than the day job.

Anyway, that's enough whining for one day. Until I think of something else to say . . .

MORE WOES . . .

So after recovering from my whining and anxiety debacle on Wednesday, I shutdown my computer and went to bed, ready to face a new day.

Thursday morning arrives and everything is going well. I pack up my laptop and get my things, heading to the daily grind. At work, I boot up my office PC and set up my laptop, booting that up as well. No new mail, well that's strange, then I realize I'm not online.

Oh well, the office WiFi must be down. So I proceed through my day, doing my work without a care in the world. At around three in the afternoon, I check again, still not connected. Hmm, something must be terribly wrong and office IT are not aware of the problem.

So helpful person that I am, I promptly contacted them to make them aware that the WiFi isn't working. Lo and behold, the WiFi is working.

This is where the meltdown begins, proceed at your own risk.

My internal wireless card isn't working. For a computer that is less than a year old.

So I try everything I know, but nothing is working. So I decided to get in touch with customer service, actually I contacted my brother, Kevin (I probably shouldn't refer to him as such :-). Try this, try that, he tells me. But it still doesn't work. Okay, call me when you get home and we will troubleshoot the problem until we fix it, he says.

Fine, I'm somewhat comfortable with the thought that this problem will be resolved by the end of the day. At home, I get Kevin on the phone again. But nothing we try works. So finally he tells me to plug the laptop directly into the adapter using the cable.

SUCCESS!

I can go online. I did all the updates, and searched for a fix for my wireless problem. Mind you, I'm standing in the kitchen where the adapter is situated to perform these tasks. After doing everything I'm supposed to do, the wireless starts working again. This is around 1:00am Friday morning.

Thank you Kevin everything works again.

So the process starts again. Go to bed. Go to work. Boot everything up. Whew! Everything still works. Until about midday Friday. The wireless can't find any networks . . . again. I feel myself beginning to well up. Frustration is setting in.

WHAT!!!

This time I text Kevin, I can't even bring myself to say the words. The damn thing stopped working again. His reply: then it must be really bad. By this time, I'm actually going into withdrawal. The shakes are starting. No Internet for about five hours.

Okay, so what are my options. Well, you can contact HP and they will want you to ship the laptop to them so they can fix the wireless card. Ha Ha Ha. That's going to work! I can't even go one day without Internet. How am going to be without my laptop for an indeterminate amount of time?

NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!!!

Your other option, he tells me, is to get a wireless USB adapter. It will be small, easy to carry, and get you online easily. Yes that, I want that option. Do that then. So Kevin buys me a USB adapter, and performs all the necessary steps to install it on my computer.

So now its Saturday evening, and I'm back online again. I still have most of my hair, and I'm n0t too too drunk . . .

YET . . .

CRISIS AVERTED! SANITY RESTORED!

Woe is Me . . .

So I've been going through my woe is me stage lately. A highly annoying time in my life that occurs when I'm feeling particularly stressed. Boo Hoo. Nothing is going my way. Life is so hard. I hate my job. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Today, the whining got so loud and so horrendous, I just wanted to slap myself upside the head.

Instead, I visited a friend of mine and unloaded . . . everything. Or at least what I thought was everything. When I was done and I finally went back to my office, it occurred to me. The closer it gets to the release date for my book, the more anxious I get.

I have been so nervous and unable to focus lately that I haven't been able to write anything or enjoy any of my normal hobbies. It, also, doesn't help that I'm going through some serious family issues at the moment. The stress is weighing heavily on me, making me feel sad.

I never really know how I will respond to pressure at any given moment. Sometimes, I thrive whenever I am pressed, but other times I feel the strain. However, today it dawned on me, if I I figure out what my pressure is I am able to get passed it and and start thriving again.

So even though I'm not sure I'm ready to write again, I'm more clearheaded and less stressed now than I have been the passed few days. Whew!

I hope to be myself again in no time. And I promise no more whining for a very long time.

Soul Tears